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Blonde Jokes




Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you dummy! It's me!"


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment and, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun and, as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, don't do it!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"


Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house had been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch, looked at the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps, putting her face in her hands.

She moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"


A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and, finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "Its square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."


Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie appears and says that he will grant them each one wish.

The brunette says, "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world!" The genie nods his head and *POOF* she is gone.

The redhead says, " I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal meaaseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." The genie nods his head and *POOF* she is gone.

"You're next," the genie says to the blonde.

The blonde looks at the genie with tears in her eyes and says, "I miss my friends!"




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